As much as these crazy satanic weirdo hicks i had the unfortunate opportunity to know for a while were moronic, and insane, and just absurdly funny as hell to observe, they are getting cut out of my book. There just isn’t room, and they are strange, but not worth it. Here is a thing that is based on real events with changed names that was maybe going in there. Zelda is an 80 year-old woman who twisted her kids into pretty close to animals, and Joseph is a dude they were unable to rope into their sick world. Once they realized he was not going to be taken advantage of, they cut him loose.
I think there are enough in books about crazy wacked-out hillbillies. Besides that they give good country folks a bad name.
Zelda: I hate Christmas, I would NYEVER have a KRISSStmas tree. I hate KRISSHTians. They make me SYICK.
Joseph: Yule trees have been around a lot longer than Christmas trees. The season means a lot of things. You don’t have to associate it with christians if it bothers you so much. What is the point in focusing on things that upset you? If you hate christians so much, why do you go to that Church and sell your poetry to them? Why are you involved in all that stuff if you hate them so much?
Zelda: Because they’re STYOOPID, and they’ll buy ENNything. They’ll do ENNything they’re told.
Joseph: I’m not a christian either, I don’t turn the other cheek, or love everyone unconditionally, or sacrifice myself for people, and I don’t waste my time hating them and tricking them. I’d rather just trade my skills and be an honest, valuable person. You go to the food pantry, and you volunteer there. I don’t get it. You mean you’re just using them? Like “infiltrating” them or something? Wouldn’t it just be easier to be honest about how you feel and who you are instead of spending so much time with all these people you hate so much? Are there more of you involved like that or is it just you alone? Why do you tie yourself to something that makes you feel so bad? Just to fill your basement with free food? Really?
Zelda: You need to just mind your own business and never mind what I do.
Joseph: You’re the one who told me all this stuff, I wouldn’t know about it if you had not told me. It’s pretty weird. You just do this to yourself you know. You don’t have to be so damn sad. All you do is give this thing you hate more power over you when all you have to do is walk away and be honest.
Zelda: Shut up.